Slightly Depressed

I know I shouldn't be feeling the way I'm feeling. Really we are so lucky and blessed in so many ways, but I can't shake the feeling of slight depression. The last couple of days the effects of the pregnancy has hit me. I have felt awesome up until now. I'm so hungry and thirsty but my stomach is already huge and stretched that when I eat it feels like there's no room for the food in there! But then I'm hungry so I eat, and I'm thirsty so I drink and it just comes back up! Not in the feeling nauseous sort of way, just all of a sudden I bend over and it's no longer in my stomach. There's just no room!

The babies are over 3 pounds each, so technically I am at the point that most people go into labor and have their babies, when they are at their largest. And I'm only 31 weeks. I don't think my stomach can stretch any bigger! Rolling over in bed is a joke. It's so uncomfortable. I feel like someone has cut open my stomach and sewn a huge bowling ball inside. I have to hold it up when I walk around or the pressure is unbearable. Now I've heard this from almost every person that's had a baby, that the last couple weeks of pregnancy you just get uncomfortable and even though you know you only have a couple more weeks you just feel done! Well, that's all fine and dandy except for the fact that who knows how long I'm going to go? I'm not at 'the end' of my pregnancy technically. I think I could handle it if I knew I was 36-37 weeks and knew there was no way I'd have to go longer than a couple more weeks. I hate not knowing when the babies are going to come. I just want to know if they're going to be early at 32-33 weeks, or if I will make it to 35-36 weeks. I would just like to prepare a little bit. I am a huge list writer/preparer and that is what's driving me crazy! Not being able to even predict what's most likely to happen.

To top it off, I am just stuck in the house. I thought I was doing fine but it's the weekend and that's when it's actually the hardest. Because the weekend is when Justin is home and we have nothing to do together cause I can't do anything! We can't go out and enjoy each other.
The weather's gloomy, I feel like I'm so unattractive that it's probably a good thing I'm just stuck in the house because I don't want anyone to see my white puffy face and body. I keep having thoughts that I just want to have the babies. Which just sounds awful and selfish. It's so early and our goal is to keep them in there as long as we can and yet most of my brain is saying 'just get them out! I'm done!'. Does that mean I'm going to be an awful mother? And now that I've said that, did I just jinx myself and now if they come early I'm just going to feel guilty cause I'll feel like I wished that upon them when reality really hits and I realize how worth it it would be to keep them in there a few more weeks?
Anyway, sorry for all the pessimism. Not the most uplifting post. I just need to record my honest thoughts at the moment.