31 Weeks!

This is more for my own journaling, so sorry if it bores you. Posts are so much funner with pictures but I have no pictures, just documenting.

I have hit 31 weeks and over 3 weeks of bedrest! Super excited about that. Monday at the Dr.'s my cervix was a little shorter, but that's pretty much what has been going on week by week. We lose a little every week. My blood pressure was higher than it normally is so he wants so watch me more closely for preeclampsi and he measured the babies and found that the girl was lagging behind when normally she is just a little less than the boy. She measured 28 wks and 6 days, so about 2 weeks behind schedule. The boy was 31 wks and 1 day. But since she is deeper inside, behind the boy and her head is so far down in my pelvis we didn't know how accurate the measurements really were. He threw around the idea that if she really was truly measuring 2 weeks behind, when normally she is right on track, twin to twin transfusion could be starting which is where one baby starts to take more of the nutrients which causes the other one to lack and not grow as fast.

I asked if that was the case, what they do about it. He said that if it continues, and she gets farther behind than 2 weeks in development that we would induce me to deliver the babies. But that he first wanted me to go see the perinatologist to get a better measurement, and if she's lagging then I'd go every week to get measured and if at 33-34 weeks she was behind enough that's when we'd deliver. So we made an app for Tuesday to see the peri and the Dr. now wants me to come in twice a week for non stress tests (which I've been doing once a week) and to check my blood pressure twice a week and we'd also check the fluid to make sure they both have plenty twice a week. So I hope my blood pressure stays in check because if it gets too high pretty much I'll be hospitalized and that would be awful.

So yesterday we went to the peri and they got a much better measurement, and she was only a week behind and even then they said their prediction is she's really bigger because it was so hard to get an accurate measure on her head. So they weren't too concerned and said that if I'm still pregnant in 3 weeks to come back to measure them again. Yay! The boy is almost 4 pounds and she is over 3 pounds, but really probably more. So good news!

It would be wonderful if they could get to around 5 pounds. so probably only 2-3 more weeks inside and they would be close to 5 pounds. My goal was 33 weeks, that's only 2 more weeks away. So now I think how wonderful it would be to make it to 34 or even 35 weeks! Every week counts at this point. I am sick of my puffiness, my exhaustion, lack of sleep, bedrest, how hard it is to maneuver around and so on, but I know it's only for a few weeks and then my babies will be here! I can hold on until then.

Slightly Depressed

I know I shouldn't be feeling the way I'm feeling. Really we are so lucky and blessed in so many ways, but I can't shake the feeling of slight depression. The last couple of days the effects of the pregnancy has hit me. I have felt awesome up until now. I'm so hungry and thirsty but my stomach is already huge and stretched that when I eat it feels like there's no room for the food in there! But then I'm hungry so I eat, and I'm thirsty so I drink and it just comes back up! Not in the feeling nauseous sort of way, just all of a sudden I bend over and it's no longer in my stomach. There's just no room!

The babies are over 3 pounds each, so technically I am at the point that most people go into labor and have their babies, when they are at their largest. And I'm only 31 weeks. I don't think my stomach can stretch any bigger! Rolling over in bed is a joke. It's so uncomfortable. I feel like someone has cut open my stomach and sewn a huge bowling ball inside. I have to hold it up when I walk around or the pressure is unbearable. Now I've heard this from almost every person that's had a baby, that the last couple weeks of pregnancy you just get uncomfortable and even though you know you only have a couple more weeks you just feel done! Well, that's all fine and dandy except for the fact that who knows how long I'm going to go? I'm not at 'the end' of my pregnancy technically. I think I could handle it if I knew I was 36-37 weeks and knew there was no way I'd have to go longer than a couple more weeks. I hate not knowing when the babies are going to come. I just want to know if they're going to be early at 32-33 weeks, or if I will make it to 35-36 weeks. I would just like to prepare a little bit. I am a huge list writer/preparer and that is what's driving me crazy! Not being able to even predict what's most likely to happen.

To top it off, I am just stuck in the house. I thought I was doing fine but it's the weekend and that's when it's actually the hardest. Because the weekend is when Justin is home and we have nothing to do together cause I can't do anything! We can't go out and enjoy each other.
The weather's gloomy, I feel like I'm so unattractive that it's probably a good thing I'm just stuck in the house because I don't want anyone to see my white puffy face and body. I keep having thoughts that I just want to have the babies. Which just sounds awful and selfish. It's so early and our goal is to keep them in there as long as we can and yet most of my brain is saying 'just get them out! I'm done!'. Does that mean I'm going to be an awful mother? And now that I've said that, did I just jinx myself and now if they come early I'm just going to feel guilty cause I'll feel like I wished that upon them when reality really hits and I realize how worth it it would be to keep them in there a few more weeks?
Anyway, sorry for all the pessimism. Not the most uplifting post. I just need to record my honest thoughts at the moment.

UPDATE

I can't believe it's been almost 3 weeks that I've been on bedrest!!! The first week was really hard. I was contracting a lot and I just felt like a walking time bomb, like I could go into labor any second. Any moving around whatsoever sent me into contractions. Had my shower at my mom's and was banned to sit in the chair and not get up. Even so, just sitting for that long wore my body out and when I got home I was contracting more than 13 times an hour and it took 3 hours to settle down. Also, I didn't know what to do with myself, although I was super busy trying to work from home to train the new nurse at my job I had to so abruptly leave, so luckily that kept me busy. Went to the doctor and I was the same, so that's good.

Week number two, was much better. Less stressed because I was training the nurse, so I was able to hand over a lot of my work stresses to her. And I seemed to finally have my "routine" down and was getting used to it. The contractions were way less so the medicine is definitely helping! This week went by so much faster. Went to the doctor and I was pretty much the same. The opening inside was a little wider and no longer V shaped but now just a big round pit, but the part of the cervix that was still closed was measuring the same amount as the week before. But since the gap was even wider, little girls head was pushed right up ready to come out still and this time you could see the sac bulging into the open space. Yikes! Just looking at it made me think, how is my water not breaking? But I guess those sacs are pretty tough!!! But I think that's what's going to happen. I don't think I'm going to start dilating and going into labor, I think that girl is going to break her water and that will send me into labor. That's my prediction.

Week number three. I'm in it right now and it's going by even faster! Which is good. Although I hate not being able to get up and go get things ready for the nursery (not that we're really going to be needing it as the babies will most likely be in the NICU, then in my room for awhile.) But it is driving me a little crazy not being able to 'nest'. Plus, our garage is still full of stuff that needs to be organized from the move so we can actually park in there! Oh well, these things can wait. My contractions are even less, the babies are definitely growing as my stomach is swelling even larger and I now have a hard time breathing while I'm sitting and it's smooshing my stomach giving me heartburn and I have to watch how much I eat at one time or I'll be sorry! I hit 30 weeks and now am in my 31st week. Yay!!!! Dr. Hartman said we get to have a party if I hit 31 weeks. Apparently statistics show that the chances of your baby dying or having long term complications are the same at 31 weeks and on as they are at 40 weeks! Crazy huh? But great news all the same!

My family has been awesome through all of this and helped me so much! My mom has arranged it so that someone comes by every day and brings me lunch and sometimes dinner and they even clean my house! I am so blessed. And there's a lady in our ward that is coming over on Friday to teach me how to crochet! I'm so excited! So cross your fingers that we make it another two weeks! Right now that is the milestone I want to reach, 33 weeks. Stay in there little ones!

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Maternity Pictures

I am so glad we decided to do pictures early. My awesome sister in law Cortney took them and I love them! She took them last Friday, 3 days before I was put on bedrest. If you need a photographer for anything she is your woman! She especially specializes in baby photography. Check out her blog at bouncinbabyphotography.com.

BED REST

Went to the doctor yesterday, as I have been doing every week for the past 6 weeks. Every week it's been "Good blood pressure, good weight, babies are sharing the water good, cervix is thick and closed." But yesterday the ultrasound showed that my cervix had changed and is now half open with our baby girl's head sitting right on top of it adding even more pressure especially when standing or walking. At that point the dr. said might as well get the betamethasone shots in me to help their lungs in case I do deliver early and to take it easy. He mentioned it's a significant enough change to get the steroid shots, but then again I could stay half open like this for a month and have nothing change. So I wasn't too concerned and he said he'd be more concerned if my fibronectin test came back positive. (Somehow this test, which we've been doing every week can give good percentages of your chances of going into labor within the next two weeks. Negative and I've got a 99.9% chance I will not go into labor, a positive and I've got a 30% chance I will). Since I have always been negative I wasn't too worried, but he did say to cut back on my hours at work and take it easy. I had also been having more contractions so he prescribed procardia and told me to take it when I felt like I was contracting more than normal.

So imagine my surprise when he calls me a few hours later while I'm at work to tell me the test is positive and that combined with the cervical change is concerning enough that I need to be done at work and go on bed rest!!! Also to take the procardia around the clock every 6 hours to stave off contractions and therefore potential labor. Basically he put it as my body is going to do what it's going to do, so we're going to do everything we can do to prevent labor. He also told me if I couldn't cooperate to let him know so he could put me in the hospital as he understood that some women just can't make themselves be on bed rest appropriately.

So here I am. On bed rest, trying to wrap things up at my job from home and wondering how in the world I'm going to train the new nurse that miraculously they found and hired today. But I'm sure everything will work out. It already is. The important thing obviously is to keep these babies in as long as we can!!! If we can just make it at least 3 weeks, then we'll move from there. I'm 28 weeks right now. I can handle a little bed rest! And I have such an awesome family who is already coming over every day to give us food and clean which of course helps me but also Justin as he's got so much on his plate with 4 more weeks of school till graduation. He has been so good to me as well. It has just made me love him even more. I am so blessed. I'm just glad we've saved money as I was planning on working till at least the end of the month and that I don't already have kids. This will be a piece of cake compared to what some people have to go through with bed rest. Just keep us in your prayers!!!